There comes a time in our lives when we feel like the world is against us. Like there’s some curse roaming around & the heavens are against us. I’ve been experiencing this lately & It’s been the reason why I’ve gone silent on my blog. It’s been a series of broken promises, backstabs & failures so frequent, that sometimes I wonder if there’s some powerful, evil force lurking somewhere.
A force that’s been ensuring that the graph of failure, misery & frustrations in my life maintains an upward trend.
I’ve never ever in my entire life entertained this thought in my mind. I’ve been a fighter & through the many losses I’ve witnessed, I’ve seen some wins. However, this year things have been a little different. It’s like waking up every morning with a dagger of failures & disappointments lurking somewhere to stab you.
It’s like being killed everyday & yet you’re still alive. And somehow one becomes accustomed to death. Isn’t that what hell is?
But anyway, since I’ve been raised a christian, sometimes I wonder, why wouldn’t God have created a portal to the afterlife? Which we could access once in a while when the burdens of life become more unbearable than birth pains?
Then I would literary go & ask God, why all this trouble & pain? Is there any purpose to this? Or am I just another insignificant one in seven billion that you’ve forgotten about so fast?
Who’s significant? Is it only the rich & famous that seem to get what they want so easily while we strive & struggle for job after job after job to no avail?
2) An Eye for an Eye…
Gone are the days when one would get a good deal fair & square. The days when someone would give you a deal freely without any mischievous terms & conditions.
Someone always wants something mischievous in return.
My recent cancelled deal was from someone who expected me to ‘kneel down & worship him’ in his own words.
To which I blatantly refused because I know the thin line between mutual respect & foolish adoration. I mean, what makes a creature a god over another?
Yes, he got stark raving mad & cancelled all my deals in the process. And I was glad to have let them go. Even through the trials & tribulations I face (especially financial), if I was given the chance to say no, I would do that over & over again.
All in all, I wonder, where did the good people go? Because even some so called christians are turning out to be the most ravenous & self-righteous wolves I’ve ever met.
I also wonder what the definition of friendship is because they’ve also joined the bandwagon. I help lots of guys gratis without mischeivous conditions. Problem is, the world is punishing me for being different…
First & foremost, I sincerely do hope that God has some internet connectivity in heaven & reads my blog. Because I need answers & solutions to so many questions in my life urgently. I need to know why…
Second of all, I need strength. A lifetime supply of strength that will keep me pushing. Because my mind keeps on asking me, why not just quit college, close your blog, your social network accounts & start a new life all together? Far, far away…
Finally, I need wisdom. To know whether these troubles are obstacles to my destiny, or whether they’re just a wake up call to radically shift my life & move on. Away from my friends, my life, my family… & possibly my country.
Please keep me in your thoughts & in your prayers… God help us all.
Kiruai Dennis is a Kenyan Blogger.
Facebook: Kiruai Dennis