Many relationships do have secret grudges that keep on re-surfacing now & then; a past full of bitter memories that evoke a thirst for vengeance.
The guilty one is usually on his/her toes as the innocent spouse points a conscious accusing finger at the supposed culprit.
Guilt eats up the sinner so long as the sin keeps bugging in the subconscious; it’s like it won’t let go! So what if an argument ensues & past mistakes are brought up? And this happens over & over again…
But the question still remains; is the bringing up of the past mistakes really justified?Or should we go back to the time when you pledged forgiveness for the crime committed? Did you finish the job when it came to forgiving the accused?
Then I would recommend these pointers to help you check on that;
1)Did you microwave your forgiveness?
Because this is the biggest mistake people make; letting the words come out before checking on whether the deal is done in their hearts.
“C’mon… don’t worry, it’s cool; I forgive you!”
And then later on you feel this sense of doubt because you never let reality set in. No wonder you always find yourself bringing the grudge up over & over again.
One thing I do know for sure about forgetting is that it heals; of course it doesn’t come easy & it can’t be microwaved. It’s a psychological & emotional phenomenon that entails mending the wounds inflicted during. Like when your mom spanked you in the evening when you were a kid… you must have gone to sleep with a bitter heart & a grudge… but sleep washed the bitterness away. And before you realized what was happening, the next day, your mom was having a good conversation with you… & why’s that?
Because forgetting heals!
2)What does moving on mean to you?
Germany & Britain had a very fierce battle during World War 2 yet they’re presently good allies. The United States bombed Hiroshima in the past yet Japan is a very good ally. These are results of moving on. When one moves on, it means…
“Bye bye! I never want to see you again…” and not the kind of moving on we’ve become accustomed to;
“Bye bye! But just in case ABCD happens… then I’m definitely coming back!”
Do I even need to explain further?
3)Put yourself in the shoes of the accused.
Forgiveness is an aspect of love; it’s literary putting yourself in the shoes of the accused & saying; “I understand that your plea is sincere… & if I was in your position, I would also like to be forgiven.” Then ask yourself if you would like 50% or 30% or 20% forgiveness. If you don’t learn to do this, the your heart is condemned to a lifetime of bitterness…
4)Work as a team.
is the language of love to your enemy.
For now, I’ll leave you with the words of Papa Roach;
“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel…” -Scars
- Something you have to forgive yourself for (thenamessid.wordpress.com)
- The Past is the Past (divorcerecoverysolutions.wordpress.com)
- 3 ‘Ego Traps’ By Aine Belton (mmfinternetmarketingreviews.com)
- Art On Forgiveness (mayajoyintheworld.wordpress.com)
- Forgiving (knowmyworth.com)
- Letting Go Of A Grudge In Three Easy Steps (managebetternow.com)
- Forgiveness: A One Time Deal? (3sharedpaths.com)
- Today I’m Thinking….Forgiveness & TRUE FREEDOM! (ladyengleman.wordpress.com)
- Sandra Fluke and the Power of Forgiveness (citesimon.com)
- Freedom Friday: Freedom Through Forgiveness (fatchickfedup.com)
- What is True Forgiveness? (wordsthatlastalifetime.wordpress.com)
- Forgiveness… (bink83.wordpress.com)
- How forgiveness frees you (successful-blog.com)
- Forgive Him? Really? Seriously? (movedbyfaith.wordpress.com)
- Forgive Me, but I Think I Hate You (girlforgetful.com)
- Heart (undergroundwalls.wordpress.com)
- Jesus Forgave the Unforgivable (gracefullwomen.com)
- Forgiveness Is Not A Feeling But An Action (strengthrenewed.wordpress.com)
- Guilt, Fear, Forgiveness (bnthinking.wordpress.com)
- No Amends, No Forgiveness. (authenticimperfection.wordpress.com)
- This is getting too far away (smileyface46dotcom.wordpress.com)
- Confessions Part II (godguysandgirls.wordpress.com)
- My Life in Pieces II (poetleeprose.wordpress.com)
- with Him Wednesdays: The Practice of Love (inspiredness.wordpress.com)
- What Do You Mean “Forgive And Forget?” (aaronrking.wordpress.com)
- Hold Hands, Not Grudges… (tabstidbits.wordpress.com)
- Mending Fences (diewithdignity.wordpress.com)
- Don’t blame her, your perception might be the problem… (howtomanup.wordpress.com)
- To Forgive Someone, Must They Repent (faithbibleministries.wordpress.com)
- B.M.S. (Bitter Man Syndrome) (almost30something.com)
- Chief sinners (thebereanway.wordpress.com)
- Justification: The Beautiful Exchange (atruediscipleofchrist.wordpress.com)
- Great Sinner, Great Savior, & Glorious God (kevinnunez.org)
- Balance Between Confrontation & Withdrawal (kingdaughter.wordpress.com)
- A Ghost from the Past (nalonmit.wordpress.com)
- Gloria Wendroff – The Heaven Letters – A Ghost From The Past – 12 March 2012 (lucas2012infos.wordpress.com)