“But I thought you forgave me?”

Many relationships do have secret grudges that keep on re-surfacing now & then; a past full of bitter memories that evoke a thirst for vengeance.

The guilty one is usually on his/her toes as the innocent spouse points a conscious accusing finger at the supposed culprit.

Guilt eats up the sinner so long as the sin keeps bugging in the subconscious; it’s like it won’t let go! So what if an argument ensues & past mistakes are brought up? And this happens over & over again…

But the question still remains; is the bringing up of the past mistakes really justified?Or should we go back to the time when you pledged forgiveness for the crime committed? Did you finish the job when it came to forgiving the accused?

Then I would recommend these pointers to help you check on that;

1)Did you microwave your forgiveness?


Because this is the biggest mistake people make; letting the words come out before checking on whether the deal is done in their hearts.

“C’mon… don’t worry, it’s cool; I forgive you!”

And then later on you feel this sense of doubt because you never let reality set in. No wonder you always find yourself bringing the grudge up over & over again.

2)Why forget?

"Forgiveness 3" by Carlos Latuff.

One thing I do know for sure about forgetting is that it heals; of course it doesn’t come easy & it can’t be microwaved. It’s a psychological & emotional phenomenon that entails mending the wounds inflicted during. Like when your mom spanked you in the evening when you were a kid… you must have gone to sleep with a bitter heart & a grudge… but sleep washed the bitterness away. And before you realized what was happening, the next day, your mom was having a good conversation with you… & why’s that?

Because forgetting heals!

2)What does moving on mean to you?

Mussolini (left) and Hitler sent their armies ...

Germany & Britain had a very fierce battle during World War 2 yet they’re presently good allies. The United States bombed Hiroshima in the past yet Japan is a very good ally. These are results of moving on. When one moves on, it means…

Bye bye! I never want to see you again…” and not the kind of moving on we’ve become accustomed to;

“Bye bye! But just in case ABCD happens… then I’m definitely coming back!”

Do I even need to explain further?

3)Put yourself in the shoes of the accused.

"Forgiveness 7" by Carlos Latuff.

Forgiveness is an aspect of love; it’s literary putting yourself in the shoes of the accused & saying; “I understand that your plea is sincere… & if I was in your position, I would also like to be forgiven.” Then ask yourself if you would like 50% or 30% or 20% forgiveness. If you don’t learn to do this, the your heart is condemned to a lifetime of  bitterness…

and finally!

4)Work as a team.

Two are better than one & there’s strength in unity. In any case , I’ve come to learn that arch rivals can make best of friends & that forgiveness… "Forgiveness" by Carlos Latuff.

is the language of love to your enemy.

For now, I’ll leave you with the words of Papa Roach;

“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel…” -Scars

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4 thoughts on ““But I thought you forgave me?”

  1. Thanks for stopping by my blog. This post in “how to man up” is quite interesting. Fascinating to readfrom a guys point of view! Of course to answer the question …..
    Did you finish the job when it came to forgiving the accused? To complete the job of forgiving we have to see the other side of the ‘pancake’ and admit our own mistakes!!
    That takes time and a lot of self discovery. I look forward to reading more of your blog. Tovah

    1. very true tova; it’s about time people realized that forgiveness isn’t just another walk over… especially in divorce(which I presume is your speciality).it’s a serious task that involves time, patience & understanding.i really appreciate your words of encouragement. kudos to that!

      1. Thank you Kiruai#Dennis. It’s very sad to see so many divorcees going through life hanging onto their bitter feelings because they are unwilling to look into themselves.I look forward to reading more of your blogs. Hope you have a good one.Tovah

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