Why are men so irresponsible these days?

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A lady this weekend asked me,
Why are men so irresponsible these days?
This was my reply to her…

The biggest challenge for men today is the feeling of inadequacy.

The inadequacy to provide enough. The inadequacy to match up to a woman and have a stable relationship. And the inadequacy of guidance on how a man should behave in society. This certainly breeds frustration and desperation because despite man’s best efforts to overcome his inadequacies, he keeps failing thus resulting in a bruised ego.

And men with bruised egos tend to retreat to their safe haven to preserve the little ego they have left. And the safe haven of a man is of course being a mere boy that just wants peace of mind by enjoying the simple pleasures of life. Because certainly the last thing that a man wants is to be constantly bombarded with reminders of his inadequacies.

Like when society constantly pressurizes the man to ‘up his game’ and reach the standards of the empowered modern woman. And as we all know, the modern woman has sophisticated and egotistic preferences regarding men standards. Plus she is macho and unforgiving thanks to the advancement of radical and intolerant feminism.

So it’s not that men don’t want to be responsible. It’s just that society constantly reminds them of their inadequacies to the point where they doubt the little strength they have left in them. Ultimately, we cannot pride ourselves when the women that we are supposed to provide for are more responsible than us.

It just can’t work…

 

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Life|

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The most scary reality for me when I wake up each morning is to realize that I’ll give an account of how I spent each & every second on this planet. There’s no insurance, no playbacks… nothing. Once I’ve made a mistake, or wasted my precious energy on a meaningless past time, then that’s it!

I mean, doesn’t that make us feel lost at times? Wondering if we are actually fulfilling our destiny?

Or worse still, we wake up everyday & say; yeah yeah… more disappointments coming up as usual & there’s nothing I can do about it.
And this got me thinking…

1)Why does it seem like God isn’t doing His best?

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That’s a question I’d like to pop incase I’m actually given that opportunity to have that one-on-one conversation with the Almighty.

I mean, wouldn’t it be a good idea if money grew on trees? Or rained from the sky?
Wouldn’t it be a better world if poverty & disease was totally extinguished & everybody was happy?

Why can’t everyone have an easy life & just enjoy it. Do people actually have to suffer?

And what makes some people seem justified to have a luxurious life while some are accustomed to absolute misery?

Isn’t it unfair that someone’s life ends without notice? In accidents, tsunamis… et cetera. I mean, shouldn’t they be given a sort of eviction notice & a plan B?

And finally God, I have one major question for you… I wonder if you wouldn’t mind explaining to me the reason as to…

2)Why bad things happen to good people.

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The world today is so complicated that one wonders, what does it mean to be good? Because we see good people do bad things & bad people do good things.

And since we as humans have the weakness of judging the book by its cover, we tend to be deceived by outward appearance as the ‘good people’ rob us right under our noses… & at this point, I’ll use a personal example.

In my campus, I deal with lots of bureacracy. However, there are some campus officials that have learn’t the art of “Not saying no”.

They do this by telling you to “come tomorrow” & that “they’re busy”. Yes, they do greet you with big (professionally faked) smiles on their faces yet deep inside, they’re full of ill intent.

To discourage you, to demean you & to crush your spirit; knowing fully well that justice delayed is justice denied & that “Tomorrow never comes”.

And here’s the interesting bit; they make the good guys look bad. So one wonders, when will this ever stop? Until when will the bad guys always have the last laugh?

& last but not least…

3)What does the future hold?

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With bad news flooding our TV screens & uncertainty dominating the global economy at large, one gets the feeling that instability may become a common trend.

Infidelity, materialism & selfishness are at an all time high as morals & Godly beliefs are deemed insignificant & old-fashioned.

Mentorship, integrity, faithfulness & trustworthiness are terrestrial vocabularies from outer space for the Y generation with commitment & responsibility phobia clinging onto young men like leeches.

And once again, I get back to God…

I mean, something major has got to be done about the state of affairs of this planet.

In short, we need a heaven on earth. Good economies, transparent governments, happy people, healthy families, & a hopeful generation…

Now that’s life…

Need I say more?

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Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

 

Did you wake up feeling Alone and in Despair?… you’re not alone. Please read on…|

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When I opened my eyes this morning, I felt this invicible heaviness on my body. It’s a feeling that goes beyond words.

In fact, It’s a weird culmination so to speak… of despair, laziness, depression, loneliness… you name it.

Now all that concotion in one heavy dosage.

Fact is, its become common… not just in my life, but also in other people’s lives as well.

I see it in people’s eyes… everyday… every week… every year… but they can’t admit it because they’re afraid of making a mockery of themselves.

But as for me, I’ll have to speak out today because the more I conceal it, the more it hurts.

I’ll basically address three aspects of life without which, I feel incomplete… or basically make me feel like an absolute failure with each passing day…

1)Financial Stability.

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Doesn’t everyone wish for this? Heck I don’t even know why I’m asking this question because personally speaking, I crave for it.

Because I’m TIERD of living a life that’s nothing but a back & forth game of the good & bad life.

I’m tired of envying people who have a taste of the good life 24/7 while I have to wait for special occasions to have a piece of the cake.

And I must admit… IT SUCKS BIG TIME! To be the spectator… to be on the sidelines.

To have to work your *ss off for meager unstable income while someone spends money like he/she photocopies it across the streets.

What makes some people have money so easily while others sweat blood to have a penny?

Are these struggles here to stay? Is this destiny? Speaking of destiny…

2)A Sense of Fulfilment.

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This is the sense that makes you feel that what you do in life makes an impact. That you’re not just passing time & waiting for judgement day.

That treasured feeling that “I’m not doing what I do in vain because there’s a reward in the end…”

And as I reiterated earlier, lack of financial stability leaves one with few options. For instance, I hate doing Economics… but…

I’ve struggled to get this rare chance to study for a degree that’s partly sponsored for by the government.

I always feel like I’m passing time by… but what options do I have?

I once told my parents that I needed to change the course but they would hear none of that because of the numerous financial challenges they currently face & that I’m supposed to “understand & cope with the situation as the first born”.

These are the same parents that were quick to disapprove my books even without reading them because of the financial constraints they face…

Parents that only believe in formal education & see one’s passions as a meaningless past time.

This indeed crushed my spirit…

I’ve got passion for entrepreneurship! Not being employed in a bank & working long hours for a meager salary.

But what’s the use of passion if you’ve got no resources to implement them? I mean, I’ve got two books under my belt but Kenyan publishers aren’t willing to sponsor & promote young, upcoming writers.

I wanna be my own boss. I wanna study for something different that makes me feel involved, as opposed to what I currently do which basically means copy pasting what the lecturer dictates without a mind of my own.

I need to feel fulfilled with each passing day.

3)Dreams & Ambitions coming to pass.

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Mentorship…

Used to be there. And so we (the Y generation) have to figure out life on our own. But of late, one gets the feeling that no one cares.

I miss the days when people would actually talk of dreams & ambitions & bring them to pass. But lately, that’s becoming another hopeless mirage. Disappointments after disappointments come, left, right & center.

Resolution after resolution is broken.

Then despair sets in, becoming an everyday reality…

I mean… what does one do?

Hope for a miracle in a world infested with materialistic churches? Share his/her disappointments with a world that’s addicted to constant gossip, bickering & mockery?

As for me, I’ve learn’t to cope by first of all, comforting myself in silence & solitude.
And second of all, hiding my pain.

Because I’ve come to the realization that many will read this & assume that the writer “will be fine…” just like the parable of the good samaritan.

Or maybe, just maybe… a “one in a billion” good samaritan will help me change this story, & I won’t have to repeat it again.

As the saying goes,

“Everyone goes through pain, It’s just that some people are better at hiding it than others…”
Have a blessed week ahead…

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Special Dedication to Grandma Grace Kiruai, who passed on at age 92 on the 19th of September 2012…

Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

 

Remnants of the Big City|

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So last weekend, I met an old lady friend of mine at the Anniversary towers; *EK, an undergraduate student in Pharmacy at the University of Nairobi. We hadn’t met for a very long time since 2003 & we had a lot of catching up to do.

We talked about life events that ensued & how childhood friends had changed as time went by. However, the conversation took a turn when I offered to escort her to the bus stop at GPO.

As we took a stroll down the streets of Nairobi, we couldn’t help but notice how society is becoming more carefree & reckless by the day. What especially worried us the most was the escalation of moral decadence in our ‘Y-generation‘.

“A day is coming when people will loathe & detest sex so much, that they’ll never want to even think about it,” said *EK.

As unrealistic as that might have sounded, I sought to find out why *EK would arrive at this conclusion.

1)Deceipt & Betrayal

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“This city is really dangerous Kiruai, I’ve seen a lot at Kenyatta National Hospital.” She continued. Indeed, she works as an intern at the biggest refferal hospital in Kenya, where she meets many patients who have many sad & tragic stories to share.

“I’m telling you Dennis, I’ve seen grown-up men cry like helpless babies. I’ve seen despair that words can’t tell. It’s a very sad state of affairs especially for us, this generation.” As she spoke, I couldn’t help but notice the concern & worry in her eyes & voice.

She went ahead to explain to me how carefree this young generation is with sex, passing on STD’s & HIV without discretion.

Yes Dennis, the use of ARV’s by HIV patients has given them the opportunity to look healthy & numb the effects of the disease. But some, if not most, are taking advantage by spreading the disease to unsuspecting & naive sex partners.”

At this point, I couldn’t help but feel the pain & agony of such betrayal & the damage that has already been done.

2)Sex & Materialism

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“So, is there any hope for this generation?” I asked.

“I mean, even our ‘potential girlfriends in campus’ are sleeping around with men twice their age. Men who are supposed to mentor us.”

At this, *EK replied,

“I don’t know Dennis. I really don’t know… I’m even concerned about how we’ll be correcting our kids. I’m concerned about the trauma that kids will have to go through in future once they discover the dirty linen of their perverse parents.”

“Yes *EK, I see your point. I’m even concerned about whether I should bring my child into this perverse generation.”

“A self-centered generation that’s overdosed on sex & materialism.”

“Morals have been labelled as ancient & ‘old school’. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jesus comes real soon.”

“I mean, is there any hope of finding a good & faithful wife?”

At this point, I was really concerned & filled with hopelessness.

3)The Remnants of Morality

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“Yes Dennis, there is hope. But believe me, I wouldn’t date a guy from Nairobi…” said *EK

“Really? And why’s that?” I asked.

“Well, it’s because Nairobi lacks ‘originality & identity’. There are no moral boundaries. For instance, when it comes to most rugby players, they beat up & disrespect their women. They even have sex with multiple partners without discretion…” continued *EK.

I wasn’t really surprised by what *EK was saying since she was brought up in Mombasa (Coast region) & I was brought up in the mountanious up-country region called Kirinyaga.

“I can’t bring up my kids in Nairobi. They’ll see ‘too much’ at a young age. I need to bring them up in a town where decency & morality reign. But Nairobi, is full of drama & I’ve seen more than enough at KNH.” She concluded.

Indeed, I couldn’t help but concur with her. It wasn’t really about Nairobi. It was about the root cause. It was about the moral decadence that kids brought up here are currently witnessing & emulating.

I’ve personally witnessed a ten year old Nairobian browse porn on my phone. These kids emulate what society puts emphasis on. They see a lot… so much that time cannot erase.

As we waved goodbye at GPO bus stop, *EK left me with these words;

“Be very very very… careful Dennis. I don’t want to see the same fate befall you…”

Words that ring in my head up to this day.

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Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

 

It takes a STRONG character to CONFORM & say YES, but it takes a STRONGER character to DISCERN and say NO|

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In my previous article,
“It’s a Cruel World of Assumptions”

I addressed the major challenge that I’ve had to endure during my tenure as Mr. Kenyatta University 2011. And that challenge has basically been the bombardment of unrealistic expectations in my life.

And after meditating on my confession, I realized that indeed, it takes a strong character to conform & simply say yes, but it takes a stronger character to discern & say no.

Because there are numerous profitable & lucrative offers that I’ve declined; tempting offers that many would not resist.

Offers that would compromise upon my integrity & corrupt my spirit & intellect.  
Did my so called “friends” think I was stupid for saying no? OF COURSE they did! In fact, majority of them did. Which made me realize that…

1)The Majority aren’t always right.

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Despite the mountain of opposition that pushed me to the edge & made me look bad, I stood my ground & simply said… NO! Because a strong character entails pledging alleagence to your principles & integrity, for better… and for WORSE! Ultimately, I had to learn to be strong on my own by pruning out corruptible acquintances that were “taking me down with them”.
I do believe that making wrong decisions in life is inevitable, which of course I have. But the worst tragedy is to make the same mistakes over & over again only to become concious of the long term repercussions when it’s too late.
But in both situations, pain is a key factor and yes…

2)Pain is Inevitable.

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The main prerogative entails what pain is worth the struggle & endurance. Saying yes without discernment has its long term pain that’s simply postponed but not done away with.

Saying no with discernment may come with immediate pain, but long term benefits, both temporary & eternal. But in both instances, character is altered.

And that means that I’m not the same as I was a year ago. Whether my character became stronger or weaker, that’s for you to judge from my articles. However, from a personal perspective, I’ve gained one crucial strength that has prepared me for bigger challenges ahead. That crucial strength is….

3)Endurance.

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It takes endurance to suffer in silence & cover up the pain one feels in the limelight. It takes endurance to resist the allure of vengeance & turn the other cheek.

It takes endurance to maintain & keep your composure amid the flood of hateful scrutiny & criticism. Yes my fellow readers, it has definitely taken endurance to keep calm & composed despite the constant, betrayal, pain & disappointments I’ve experienced as Mr. Kenyatta University 2011.

Because some of my predecessors from previous years turned to drugs, carefree promiscuity & neglect of their studies. Yet through it all, by the Grace of God, I’ve kept my peace.

I guess we can’t help but blame the limelight for focusing so much on the glamour, that it blinds the populance from the challenges that influential people go through.

At the end of the day, everyone can be strong, but few have the strength & courage to stand out & embrace the task of being stronger.

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Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

It’s a cruel world of Assumptions|

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I’ve been in the modelling industry for past two years & thus, when I was crowned Mr. Kenyatta University 2011, I Learn’t the hard way that this planet has a populance that’s addicted & in love with assumptions & presumptions.

Indeed, there are those who make the mistake of judging others based on their outward appearance. It becomes more confusing when we juggle the blinding allure of outward appearance with the hidden character within.

The situation is further aggrevated when we jump to conclusions based on outward appearance, only to later on feel guilty when we realize that our assumptions were wrong after all. So let’s look at this assumption cruelty in three perspectives.

1)The Worldly Standards.

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The world judges itself based on the rich & the poor. It’s all about what I drive, what you wear, where she gets her hair done & what family he belongs to. The world is basically drenched with materialism.

But pleasing the world without sound judgement makes us pierce & hurt ourselves in the long run. Because we hurry to make an impression to people who don’t care about our wellbeing at all.

And thus, for instance, when I was crowned, I was burdened with a myriad of expectations by the ‘cheering squad’ of students who’s only concern was what they would get from me. No one cared about the challenges I would face. All they wanted to see were smiles on my face 24/7 & an ATM that would hand them free money as they pleased.

2)Friends with Benefits.

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So yeah, I was surprised that my friends were joining the bandwargon of assumptions & unrealistic expectations about me. They were all about ‘give me this & this & that…’ without considering the fact that my financial situation was practically unchanged.

They looked at the glitz & glamour & thought that I had been paid. But what they don’t realize up to this day is that I’ve never received any allowances at all. In fact, rumour has it that my predecessor has been receiving my allowances behind my back. But do my friends, the institution & the students at large care?…

3)Strangers.

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So what does one do when the world & friends have burden you with a myriad of expectations?
Where does one run to when one is alone & abandoned because he/she failed to fulfil people’s unrealistic, imaginary & assumptive expectations?

Well, I sought refuge in a ‘virtual solitary confinement’, so to speak. I basically did that by radically reducing my interactions with friends & fellow students alike… BUT!

While I was alone, I must say that I got quite a few surprises from strangers. For instance, on the night that I was crowned, only one stranger came to my room, congratulated me & handed me some money.

Another stranger called Solomon Odhiambo helped me ferry my luggage from the Nyayo hostels to the main gate for free while we were closing last semester. He just grabbed my luggage & offered to help me while we conversed along the way like we had known each other for quite a long time.

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I’m also making new legitimate friends from such acts of kindness by strangers like *Kibz, *Stanley & *Yohanas, *Roni, just to name a few…

And considering the fact that our country has tribalistic issues, none of my tribesmen ever brought me gifts of appreciation. None whatsoever except for a select few, if any.
(E.g.Solomon is Luo & I’m Kikuyu)

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Even KU students from my hometown decided to fold their arms & simply hate me based on their exaggerated expectations & my (enviable) position of influence. Same case applies to the School of Economics, which I belong to.

I mean, what can I say except for the fact that when the going gets tough, the tough get going. I’ve been hurt the most by those who are close to me, yet through it all, I consider myself a survivor.  

In the forthcoming Kenyatta University Culture Week Extravaganza, I’ll be handing over my crown this coming semester beginning September. I would like to take this opportunity to thank & apprecite those who’ve been supportive & real with me along the way.

In the end, I’ve come to conclude that it is indeed a cruel world of assumptions.

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Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

Meanwhile… as we ceaselessly complain.|

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It’s interesting how people perceive life in such diverse ways that you would be forgiven for thinking that they live in different planets.

From the Greeks who’ve lost their jobs & bear the brunt of the Euro crisis, to the Chinese billionaires who rake in lots & lots of money year after year from exporting Chinese versions of original products, these people perceive life differently.

Yet, despite all this wide array of differences in perception, one factor still remains. Everybody has a reason to complain. I mean, even you & I have a reason to complain.

Whenever we open our eyes each morning, our minds are flooded by tasks ahead & the obstacles we have to meet along the way. We think of the resolutions that we made last year that are yet to be achieved.

We think of disappointments & discouragements. We think of so many reasons to complain & justify as to why we are not at point “X”.

Of course, I’m not disqualifying all complaints, but here’s the deal…
 
1)While we ceaselessly complain, let’s do something.

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I know its hard to start a viable idea without the necessary resources. That’s how I started this blog in the first place. No assurances, no support… nothing. Yet through it all, I soldier on. And that’s how life basically is.

No manual, no guidelines, no warranties… all these are yours to mould & create. Making matters worse is the fact that mentorship is on a sharp decline. As I’ve reiterated earlier in numerous articles, the world today is basically a game of survival for the fitest.

And therefore as you complain about this & that, make sure that something is done each & everyday. Because whether it pays off or not,  a difference has been effected in your life.

But before you do something, remember to…

1)Search within yourself.

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Look at me, myself & I & ask yourself, what can I do to reap maximum benefits from my strengths & talents?  What are my OUTSTANDING credentials that separate me from the rest?

What can I do to offer that cutting-edge competition with self-confidence & self-drive WITH OR WITHOUT MONEY?

What’s that engagement that you would pledge alleagence to “For better, for worse, for richer for poorer, till death do us part”?

In any case, what’s the need of starting a marriage that will end up in divorce when times get tough? Unless, you’re a golddigger. And speaking of golddigging…

3)If you chase after money, money will run away from you.

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When I was first told this, I got really bitter & angry because there I was, broke & frustrated, having chased & chased to no avail.

But haven’t you noticed that some people get rich for practically nothing but their passion! I mean, they started something & worked on it without a penny for maybe 2-3yrs or so them BAM!!!

Their project is now a money minting machine! Do I even need to mention names of renowned billionaire inventors in this planet? Plus, something interesting to note is that they definitely must have been mocked & discouraged by their friends & parents when they were “down there” working on their project!

In the end, they’re in control of multi-billion dollars companies. And why’s that? Because they pursued their passion & dreams & finally, their energy & persistence paid off…. did you get that… PAID OFF!

Their energy & persistence attracted people… & people are basically disguised opportunities to generate income!

So if you’ve been ceaselessly complaining, maybe it’s about time you looked within yourself & focused that precious complaining energy in the passion & dream that you believe in.

“Energy & persistence conquer all things” ~Benjamin Franklin

Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…