An Introvert’s Perspective of Teamwork|

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Having been raised as the only son in the family with two sisters, I practically had to learn to deal with issues on my own.

See, there was this imbalanced sibling rivalry that was manifested in the way I dealt with confrontations within the family. If either of my sisters had an arguement, they had each other to console whereas if I had an argument, I would have to deal with the repercussions on my own.

Which basically means that I’ve practically been an introvert throughout my life. Yet, I’ve never really taken time to think about how this had affected my attitude towards teamwork. But first,

1)Where did I get this ‘Introvert‘ label from?

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About 2 weeks ago on a Saturday afternoon, as I took a stroll on the campus streets, I met Nandwa, a fellow undergraduate in the School of Economics.
She informed me of a teambuilding session that our school year was holding at the field.

Though unprepared, I felt the urge to witness the action. And that’s when I met another fellow undergraduate named Sheila.

We had never talked for the last three years except for a few pleasantries here & there. However, she surprised me with her perception of me. She claimed that I was that ‘Army of One‘ kinda guy that wasn’t quite social with fellow undergraduates.

And after giving her the sibling rivalry story I had given you earlier, she labelled me an introvert. But I still had a case to argue…

2)The Thin line between honesty & too much honesty.

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Sheila was against the idea that being an introvert had its positive side. A point that I strongly challenged.

I informed her of a very weird situation that took place in high school. My parents always insisted that I be very honest with them.

At first, I was skeptical about sharing a certain issue but later on, I took courage & asked them for a brief session to discuss a ‘personal matter’.

The first sentence that came out of my mouth sent shock waves down their spines, leaving them dumbfounded. It was a confession that involved me being a porn addict for the last couple of years under their very noses.

The fact that I had put it so blatantly made me look like that peculiar son that wasn’t afraid of his parents anymore, considering the ‘freaky’ information he had shared.

Eventually, my parents played the ‘we weren’t prepared for this’ & ‘we shall consult & get back to you’ cards.

This happened 6yrs ago.

And that was the last time porn was ever a topic of discussion. Since then, they’ve never shown any urge to be honest with me again because they must have realized that voluntary, uncoerced honesty would do.

3)The Snob.

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Sheila was also dumbfounded by my revelation, though she tried as much as possible to hide it.

Anyhow, she argued that being an introvert must have largely contributed to my snobbish behaviour. I wasn’t really surprised by this accusation since it had been constantly used against me several times in the past.

She claimed that I had to learn to be more social with fellow students by striking a balance between being an introvert & an extrovert. However, being in either of the two extreems had its repercussions.

And I had to start this task by joining the boys in playing football, to which I gladly obliged.

Though on Monday, I had pain all over my body after being severely injured by a teammate.

And as we all know, one can’t share body pain as a team. Which mean’t that nature necessitated me to be an introvert once again…

OUCH!

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Kiruai Dennis is a Kenyan Blogger.
Facebook: Kiruai Dennis
Twitter: @kiruaidennis

 

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When I treat her like a gentleman, I end up looking like a fool…|

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Recent events have led me to the realization that there’s a ruthless breed of women that’s emerging. The kind that take advantage of men’s kindness… & to be more specific… good men.

You know, the gentlemen who treat ladies with respect & concern only to be thanked with a donkey’s kick. The men that care about ladies that don’t care about them. The men that are heartlessly condemned by the same women that they adore.

And yes, experience has taught me this because lately, I’m being accused of being a proud jerk for increasingly declining to offer my gentlemanly services to so called ‘female friends’.
Yes, the kind that are friends only when they expect something in return. And when you don’t give them what they want, they mock you by reminding you of your weaknesses… ESPECIALLY financial instability.

But hey, I don’t care anymore so long as I don’t become a gentleman only to end up looking like a fool… especially in these three versions.

1)The side-kick

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Yeah yeah… I know. Sucks to be a side-kick right? To be on stand-by. To be that plan-B for your lady-friend. This especially happens to guys who are in platonic friendships… the kind that involve a guy & a lady being good friends.

Like for instance, a lady friend of yours calls you to escort her to a party when her boyfriend isn’t around. Or when she tells you to buy this & that for her since she knows that you’re a gentleman anyway… & may I add… a foolish gentleman for that matter.

Yet when it comes to her chipping in some cash to pay the bills, she brilliantly comes up with a seemingly justifiable excuse that revolves around you having to prove that you’re a gentleman.

Or she may even decide to go for the jugular by attacking your pride & esteem & referring to you as a miser & so forth.

2)The prolonged Ex.

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It’s that emotional baggage of someone you broke up with a long time ago but still… you’re having second thoughts as to whether the relationship might be revived once again.

But here’s the twist. She says that she doesn’t care about you anymore & yet she expects you to treat her like a queen. She enjoys the attention you give her as you keep apologizing to her endlessly. The guilt that you feel about the mistakes you made in the past is her added advantage.

She’s now decided to become proud & arrogant as an act of vengeance.

In the end, you realize that you’re wasting your heart & feelings on a stone wall. But hey, what goes around comes around right?

In any case, every dog has its own day…

3)The Secret Admirer.

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How about that lady you’ve been secretly admiring & have been friends with for quite some time now.

Only that you don’t know that she knows this.

So she decides to take advantage of your gentlemanly acts since she perceives them as acts of desparation. To her, you amount to nothing…

The worst part about this is that she doesn’t care about you at all. She sees you as a wierdo & mocks you as she gossips with her clique of friends about how this “desparado keeps on stalking her” & so forth.

She treats you well in private, only to deny you in the limelight. She makes you look like a psychopath that’s desparate for love.

In all three instances, one sees a ruthless game of psychology played on innocent men. The scars inflicted make good & innocent men result to vengeance through womanizing & so forth once they gain the status they’ve strived to achieve.

In the end, they’re like bitter, wounded lions that do away with being gentlemen since life has taught them that being bad guys is the only way to avoid looking like a fool.

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Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

 

Life|

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The most scary reality for me when I wake up each morning is to realize that I’ll give an account of how I spent each & every second on this planet. There’s no insurance, no playbacks… nothing. Once I’ve made a mistake, or wasted my precious energy on a meaningless past time, then that’s it!

I mean, doesn’t that make us feel lost at times? Wondering if we are actually fulfilling our destiny?

Or worse still, we wake up everyday & say; yeah yeah… more disappointments coming up as usual & there’s nothing I can do about it.
And this got me thinking…

1)Why does it seem like God isn’t doing His best?

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That’s a question I’d like to pop incase I’m actually given that opportunity to have that one-on-one conversation with the Almighty.

I mean, wouldn’t it be a good idea if money grew on trees? Or rained from the sky?
Wouldn’t it be a better world if poverty & disease was totally extinguished & everybody was happy?

Why can’t everyone have an easy life & just enjoy it. Do people actually have to suffer?

And what makes some people seem justified to have a luxurious life while some are accustomed to absolute misery?

Isn’t it unfair that someone’s life ends without notice? In accidents, tsunamis… et cetera. I mean, shouldn’t they be given a sort of eviction notice & a plan B?

And finally God, I have one major question for you… I wonder if you wouldn’t mind explaining to me the reason as to…

2)Why bad things happen to good people.

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The world today is so complicated that one wonders, what does it mean to be good? Because we see good people do bad things & bad people do good things.

And since we as humans have the weakness of judging the book by its cover, we tend to be deceived by outward appearance as the ‘good people’ rob us right under our noses… & at this point, I’ll use a personal example.

In my campus, I deal with lots of bureacracy. However, there are some campus officials that have learn’t the art of “Not saying no”.

They do this by telling you to “come tomorrow” & that “they’re busy”. Yes, they do greet you with big (professionally faked) smiles on their faces yet deep inside, they’re full of ill intent.

To discourage you, to demean you & to crush your spirit; knowing fully well that justice delayed is justice denied & that “Tomorrow never comes”.

And here’s the interesting bit; they make the good guys look bad. So one wonders, when will this ever stop? Until when will the bad guys always have the last laugh?

& last but not least…

3)What does the future hold?

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With bad news flooding our TV screens & uncertainty dominating the global economy at large, one gets the feeling that instability may become a common trend.

Infidelity, materialism & selfishness are at an all time high as morals & Godly beliefs are deemed insignificant & old-fashioned.

Mentorship, integrity, faithfulness & trustworthiness are terrestrial vocabularies from outer space for the Y generation with commitment & responsibility phobia clinging onto young men like leeches.

And once again, I get back to God…

I mean, something major has got to be done about the state of affairs of this planet.

In short, we need a heaven on earth. Good economies, transparent governments, happy people, healthy families, & a hopeful generation…

Now that’s life…

Need I say more?

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Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

 

Remnants of the Big City|

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So last weekend, I met an old lady friend of mine at the Anniversary towers; *EK, an undergraduate student in Pharmacy at the University of Nairobi. We hadn’t met for a very long time since 2003 & we had a lot of catching up to do.

We talked about life events that ensued & how childhood friends had changed as time went by. However, the conversation took a turn when I offered to escort her to the bus stop at GPO.

As we took a stroll down the streets of Nairobi, we couldn’t help but notice how society is becoming more carefree & reckless by the day. What especially worried us the most was the escalation of moral decadence in our ‘Y-generation‘.

“A day is coming when people will loathe & detest sex so much, that they’ll never want to even think about it,” said *EK.

As unrealistic as that might have sounded, I sought to find out why *EK would arrive at this conclusion.

1)Deceipt & Betrayal

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“This city is really dangerous Kiruai, I’ve seen a lot at Kenyatta National Hospital.” She continued. Indeed, she works as an intern at the biggest refferal hospital in Kenya, where she meets many patients who have many sad & tragic stories to share.

“I’m telling you Dennis, I’ve seen grown-up men cry like helpless babies. I’ve seen despair that words can’t tell. It’s a very sad state of affairs especially for us, this generation.” As she spoke, I couldn’t help but notice the concern & worry in her eyes & voice.

She went ahead to explain to me how carefree this young generation is with sex, passing on STD’s & HIV without discretion.

Yes Dennis, the use of ARV’s by HIV patients has given them the opportunity to look healthy & numb the effects of the disease. But some, if not most, are taking advantage by spreading the disease to unsuspecting & naive sex partners.”

At this point, I couldn’t help but feel the pain & agony of such betrayal & the damage that has already been done.

2)Sex & Materialism

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“So, is there any hope for this generation?” I asked.

“I mean, even our ‘potential girlfriends in campus’ are sleeping around with men twice their age. Men who are supposed to mentor us.”

At this, *EK replied,

“I don’t know Dennis. I really don’t know… I’m even concerned about how we’ll be correcting our kids. I’m concerned about the trauma that kids will have to go through in future once they discover the dirty linen of their perverse parents.”

“Yes *EK, I see your point. I’m even concerned about whether I should bring my child into this perverse generation.”

“A self-centered generation that’s overdosed on sex & materialism.”

“Morals have been labelled as ancient & ‘old school’. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jesus comes real soon.”

“I mean, is there any hope of finding a good & faithful wife?”

At this point, I was really concerned & filled with hopelessness.

3)The Remnants of Morality

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“Yes Dennis, there is hope. But believe me, I wouldn’t date a guy from Nairobi…” said *EK

“Really? And why’s that?” I asked.

“Well, it’s because Nairobi lacks ‘originality & identity’. There are no moral boundaries. For instance, when it comes to most rugby players, they beat up & disrespect their women. They even have sex with multiple partners without discretion…” continued *EK.

I wasn’t really surprised by what *EK was saying since she was brought up in Mombasa (Coast region) & I was brought up in the mountanious up-country region called Kirinyaga.

“I can’t bring up my kids in Nairobi. They’ll see ‘too much’ at a young age. I need to bring them up in a town where decency & morality reign. But Nairobi, is full of drama & I’ve seen more than enough at KNH.” She concluded.

Indeed, I couldn’t help but concur with her. It wasn’t really about Nairobi. It was about the root cause. It was about the moral decadence that kids brought up here are currently witnessing & emulating.

I’ve personally witnessed a ten year old Nairobian browse porn on my phone. These kids emulate what society puts emphasis on. They see a lot… so much that time cannot erase.

As we waved goodbye at GPO bus stop, *EK left me with these words;

“Be very very very… careful Dennis. I don’t want to see the same fate befall you…”

Words that ring in my head up to this day.

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Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

 

Are ladies Aiming to Far?|

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That’s the issue that’s been ringing in my head for the past few weeks. It started when I noticed with keen interest some ladies in my hometown that we had grown up with &  had found their knights in shining armour in the “diaspora”, or greener pastures so to speak, but were expressing anguish & regret in their faces.

These ladies looked at “us”, the “local breed” & found us worthless compared to their wildest dreams of what their men ought to be. When we treated them like nice guys, they perceived us as outright sissies & losers. And so, their adolescent wishes for bad boys were fulfilled. Only that the bad boys were enjoying their attention, punishing them for it & even going to the extent of cohabiting right in their faces.

So anyhow, I’m personally one of those guys who were ugly ducklings when I was a toddler but emerged “from nowhere” to become one of the select few handsome in our locality.

That’s why the ladies that disqualified us in the past are baffled by what we’ve become & what we’ve achieved in the present. As they greet us with respect, their faces express admiration & regret simultaneously.

So, what’s really going on? What’s causing all this to happen?

1)Celebrity Palsy

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And no, its not celebral palsy. The media is largely to blame for this mirage that every lady on the face of this planet can marry a “Herculees”. Adding insult to injury is the fact that modern society is so inclined to the media, such that critical realistic thinking has been gradually replaced with “the flow”.

Such that what we have today aren’t young women. Instead we have barbie dolls locked in deceptive boxes of unrealistic expectations. Do I need to explain further? 

2)Ignorance is bliss… temporary bliss

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So yeah, I have two adolescent sisters at home that are turning out to be barbie dolls after all. For them, life is about celebrities, entertainment & fun basically. When I try giving them serious advice, they result to their expertise of turning a moment of serious talk into a session of mockery &  jokes.

Culinary skills & house work is a burdensome obligation that they look down on with pessimism. What’s important for them is the celebrity life manifested through the screen & unfortunately, that’s the life they aim for.

And since I’ve grown with them & studied them keenly, I can predict that they’ll be that generation that expects all their husbands to be Justin Beibers who pamper them. But, they’ll be in for a rude shock when they get out of the safe clutches of parenthood & temporary bliss.

When they’ll be hit hard by the realness of life & come to consult their big brother, I’ll refer them to this “prophesy” which I hope will be proven false.

3)Change is a constant factor.

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Videos are made everyday, but they do not experience change. The same smile you had recorded on tape five years ago will still be as fresh as it was back then when played today, which is what I basically call a plastic life mirage; a life devoid of change.

On the contrary, when it comes to reality, people change, situations change & economies change as long as we are bound by the realm of time. Every second, a record 200 chemical reactions happen inside our bodies.

I see so many ladies today full of illusions. They’re the kind that expect a husband in this day & age to come for them & solve their problems by settling down & starting a family in a season of tough economies.

The kind that think that feministic liberation without accountability won’t destabilize the family unit as we know it. The kind that are too hot headed to grasp the fact that there are long term consequences to infidelity, posting nudity online, materialism & abortions.

The kind that want to dominate the planet by demeaning men & still expect stability in society & in their personal lives.

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Isn’t that aiming too far?

Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

Let The Man Have His Pride.|

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I’ve personally been raised up in a generation of assumptions. Sex education was something I had to discover for myself through American Pie, my peers & unfortunately, pornography. Before High School, I was a boy.

The moment I joined high school, I found myself in a confusing predicament. Why? Because I was presumed to be a man. And there I was, a naïve, unprepared kid, burdened with expectations of how a man ought to be. The media & society made matters worse by making me feel less of a man because I didn’t drive, have a girlfriend(& sex), have a house, a job, lots of money & so on & so forth.

All sex & relationship advice that my parents have been giving me revolves around these three points; “Avoid sex. Avoid girls. Avoid pregnancies. Period!” And now here I am, in campus & yes, I’m still searching for ‘the one’. And it gets more frustrating & hopeless by the day. & Why’s that?

1)The Power Puff Girls want Superman, & nothing less.

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Oh yes! More & more ladies are getting successful as more & more guys get miserable by the day. Then when these ladies get to the top, they gain PowerPuff status ( powerpuff wannabees in their early 20’s also fall in this category.)

Meaning that they gain a tendency to demean men who aren’t doing as well as they are. They call it girl power & their motto is, “What a man can do, a woman can do better.” & with this principle in mind, they’ve perfected the art of making a man feel like a kid, thus robbing him of his most precious possession; his pride.  Many powerpuffs today want a superman in shining armour & nothing less.

Anything less than superman is inexistent… or as they say; “The good parking spots are taken, while the rest are handicapped.” Which man in his right senses would walk away with his pride intact after being told that, unless he’s a toyboy…

2)Somebody say ‘Gender Equality’!

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Why mix business with personal matters? Like a relationship, or a family for that matter? Because I believe that gender equality in its entirity was only mean’t for business. (Yes, I know that someone’s already angry at this point). And if it should be a necessity in the household, it should be the last resort if boundaries are repeatedly crossed.

Women also look for their daddy in their men.
Which basically means that husband & wife can never be radically equal. Or as I should rephrase; King & Queen can’t be equal. Indeed, there are Kings that take advantage of their queens’ vulnerability, but radical gender equality isn’t the solution. One has to assume the status of a king whereas the other assumes status of a queen.

But what if as a man, you find yourself being made the queen of the house? & the wife acts like she’s the man, assuming the status of a king? Hmmh? Who’m will the kids look up to?

Surely, it won’t be a man who’s pride is robbed. Because these are the same absentee fathers that spend their precious time drinking & running away from their responsibilities…

3)Pressumptions & Generalizations.

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As I reiterated earlier, many men are victims of generalization. Men are men; at least that’s what society thinks. Gone are the days when there were  young men, elders et cetera. Such that a young lady will be inconsiderable enough to expect a 20 something year old guy to be as financially endowed as a 30 something year old man.

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Another very damaging generalization is that ‘men are opportunistic beings that are just after sex’; & feminists are the best bunch at promoting this concept among their fellow sisters. Yet what many ladies don’t realize is that at times we do lose appetite for sex & are only after companionship; plain & simple.

In essence, men are laden with a truckload of expectations. And these expectations can’t be achieved when our pride is trumpled on the ground. It’s this pride that keeps our heads high, shoulders upright & chests forward in tough times. A tough economy, a bleak future & a myriad of disappointments have already created more than enough scars in our pride & esteem.
Demeaning men only makes matters worse.

Let the poor guy have some breathing space; let the man have his pride.

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Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

Welcome to the World of Complementary Competition.|

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Facebook & Yahoo had numerous lawsuits against each other till recently when they realized that working together as competitors would be more rewarding than tearing each other apart. And that’s what I call complementary competiton.

The business world today has a lot of mounting pressure & the last thing you need is to add enemies to your competitive list. In fact, many people would rather have frenemies in business than have outright enemies in cut-throat business competition. So what’s within the complementary competitiveness package?

1)Staying informed.

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Frenemies in business communicate to each other once in a while behind the scenes to keep tabs on what’s trending & the evolving do’s & don’ts in a fragile business world. They do know that trying to pull off a superman stunt may be costly in the long run.

Because whereas an outright enemy would propel you with mischievous bitterness to ‘prove yourself’ by making rash uninformed decisions, a frenemy on the other hand warns you knowing fully well that you’re likely to warn ‘him/her’ in future. I call it the ‘tit for tat’ game in business.

2)Business prospers in Peace.

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I once saw this movie in which the Germans & Britons were fighting in World War 2, & as they were on cease fire, there was this horse in the battlefield that was trapped at night. And so a german soldier & a british soldier volunteered to go to the horse & free it.

Apparently, the horse was trapped by some barbed wire & badly bruised. And when these two soldiers asked for a pliers to cut the barbed wire, both sides of the warring camps threw in many pliers without a care in the world. To cut the long story short, the horse was freed & the horse was ‘peacefully’ handed over to the British camp. (Unfortunately, the soldiers went back to business the next day.)

Such memories stand out in business. Because it’s a win-win situation for both sides of the conflict to have an agreement without a fight. Harmony in business is like good music. I’m yet to see warring businesses saying;

“Good news guys! Tomorrow we settle a dispute in court!”

I’m sure Facebook & Yahoo were happier & relaxed settling their disputes in a boardroom than in a tense courtroom.

3)It all revolves around your reputation.

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The likelihood of a frenemy doing business with you largely depends on how quarrelsome you are; & that doesn’t necessarily mean raising your voice at someone during a confrontation. It’s about the jargon of unnecessary rules & regulations you stipulate in a contract before a consensus is reached.

Such rules & regulations portray your reputation. Behind all the words in black & white are questions such as; are you mean? Are you a miser? Are you domineering? Are you insecure? Are you principled? Are you manipulative & mischievous… & so forth.

In essence, keep it respectful, simple & straight to the point. Put yourself in the shoes of your frenemy before forwarding your terms & conditions of doing business.

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Don’t chase them away. Bring them on board through complementary competition. Though strict boundaries ought to be respected, this mode of business is inevitable for those who want to survive in an everchanging world.

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Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…