Why are men so irresponsible these days?

black-men-image-of-depression-2014

A lady this weekend asked me,
Why are men so irresponsible these days?
This was my reply to her…

The biggest challenge for men today is the feeling of inadequacy.

The inadequacy to provide enough. The inadequacy to match up to a woman and have a stable relationship. And the inadequacy of guidance on how a man should behave in society. This certainly breeds frustration and desperation because despite man’s best efforts to overcome his inadequacies, he keeps failing thus resulting in a bruised ego.

And men with bruised egos tend to retreat to their safe haven to preserve the little ego they have left. And the safe haven of a man is of course being a mere boy that just wants peace of mind by enjoying the simple pleasures of life. Because certainly the last thing that a man wants is to be constantly bombarded with reminders of his inadequacies.

Like when society constantly pressurizes the man to ‘up his game’ and reach the standards of the empowered modern woman. And as we all know, the modern woman has sophisticated and egotistic preferences regarding men standards. Plus she is macho and unforgiving thanks to the advancement of radical and intolerant feminism.

So it’s not that men don’t want to be responsible. It’s just that society constantly reminds them of their inadequacies to the point where they doubt the little strength they have left in them. Ultimately, we cannot pride ourselves when the women that we are supposed to provide for are more responsible than us.

It just can’t work…

 

Advertisements

Are ladies Aiming to Far?|

image

That’s the issue that’s been ringing in my head for the past few weeks. It started when I noticed with keen interest some ladies in my hometown that we had grown up with &  had found their knights in shining armour in the “diaspora”, or greener pastures so to speak, but were expressing anguish & regret in their faces.

These ladies looked at “us”, the “local breed” & found us worthless compared to their wildest dreams of what their men ought to be. When we treated them like nice guys, they perceived us as outright sissies & losers. And so, their adolescent wishes for bad boys were fulfilled. Only that the bad boys were enjoying their attention, punishing them for it & even going to the extent of cohabiting right in their faces.

So anyhow, I’m personally one of those guys who were ugly ducklings when I was a toddler but emerged “from nowhere” to become one of the select few handsome in our locality.

That’s why the ladies that disqualified us in the past are baffled by what we’ve become & what we’ve achieved in the present. As they greet us with respect, their faces express admiration & regret simultaneously.

So, what’s really going on? What’s causing all this to happen?

1)Celebrity Palsy

image

And no, its not celebral palsy. The media is largely to blame for this mirage that every lady on the face of this planet can marry a “Herculees”. Adding insult to injury is the fact that modern society is so inclined to the media, such that critical realistic thinking has been gradually replaced with “the flow”.

Such that what we have today aren’t young women. Instead we have barbie dolls locked in deceptive boxes of unrealistic expectations. Do I need to explain further? 

2)Ignorance is bliss… temporary bliss

image

So yeah, I have two adolescent sisters at home that are turning out to be barbie dolls after all. For them, life is about celebrities, entertainment & fun basically. When I try giving them serious advice, they result to their expertise of turning a moment of serious talk into a session of mockery &  jokes.

Culinary skills & house work is a burdensome obligation that they look down on with pessimism. What’s important for them is the celebrity life manifested through the screen & unfortunately, that’s the life they aim for.

And since I’ve grown with them & studied them keenly, I can predict that they’ll be that generation that expects all their husbands to be Justin Beibers who pamper them. But, they’ll be in for a rude shock when they get out of the safe clutches of parenthood & temporary bliss.

When they’ll be hit hard by the realness of life & come to consult their big brother, I’ll refer them to this “prophesy” which I hope will be proven false.

3)Change is a constant factor.

image

Videos are made everyday, but they do not experience change. The same smile you had recorded on tape five years ago will still be as fresh as it was back then when played today, which is what I basically call a plastic life mirage; a life devoid of change.

On the contrary, when it comes to reality, people change, situations change & economies change as long as we are bound by the realm of time. Every second, a record 200 chemical reactions happen inside our bodies.

I see so many ladies today full of illusions. They’re the kind that expect a husband in this day & age to come for them & solve their problems by settling down & starting a family in a season of tough economies.

The kind that think that feministic liberation without accountability won’t destabilize the family unit as we know it. The kind that are too hot headed to grasp the fact that there are long term consequences to infidelity, posting nudity online, materialism & abortions.

The kind that want to dominate the planet by demeaning men & still expect stability in society & in their personal lives.

image

Isn’t that aiming too far?

Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

They’re Unhappy, but they won’t admit it.|

image

This post will definitely annoy some radical feminists out there. But as confucius once said;

“Signs and symbols rule the world, not words nor laws.

Which means that it doesn’t matter how many speeches & manifestos feminists give in the limelight. What counts is that behind the scenes, these women are unhappy. And since we know that actions speak louder than words, you can’t help but notice this unhappiness in their faces & in their tones when they address ‘women’s issues’.

In fact, some of them have gone to the extent of calling themselves b*tches & applauding themselves for that.

Indeed, as days go by, more & more men have admitted to me that relationships are becoming unbearable generally because of this concept called feminism. I personally would like to add that it is indeed feminism without borders; including the abuse of priviledges & favours that come out of feminism.
So speaking of signs & symbols, let’s see the evidence of unhapiness…

1)Implications through speech.

image

I once saw this ‘Eve sisters’ programme on TV in which successful women were mentoring their female counterparts. And as some of them spoke, I couldn’t help but notice some unusual anger & emotional bitterness hidden within their words. Their advice was helpful & insightful, but behind that mask of good advice was an implication of unsettled & broken hearts.
Past broken relationships that may have proven men to be dogs? Or a childhood past consisting of an abusive father. I don’t know… but one thing’s for sure, most radical feminists still have scars within their concience & hearts. And one way of noticing this is through their implications of speech. 

2)Implications through Behaviour.

image

Let’s go a step further & look behind the scenes. How are the personal lives of these women. How do they handle a confrontation from a guy? How do they handle competitions involving gender parrity? Do they get rude & demeaning? Do they become proud & disrespectful? Are they spiteful? Plus, how often do they use feminism as a justification for unbecoming behaviour? Are they unsettled & restless? You be the judge…

3)Implication through misconceptions.

image

There are consequences of being a feminist & there are consequences of not being a feminist. Just the same way as there are consequences of being straight or gay. But a radical feminist won’t admit it. She’ll cover up the long term consequences with short-term benefits.

So let’s give an example of a lady who’s made it to the top by proving that “What men can do, women can do better” (Misconception #1)

Then she gets uncontrollable & irritable in all spheres of her life (be it social or business) to a point of not knowing where to put boundaries when it comes to having a feministic perception of situations & phenomena in life. Indeed, she’s applauded in the limelight but in the end, she chases away potential suitors & maybe… just maybe, substitutes them with toy-boys. What does she think about her life? “She is her own boss/ In control/ Independent” (Misconception #2)

image

Yet behind all the glory & glamour is a woman that’s sad & depressed in her privacy. But she won’t admit it. She has no option but to cry in secret. And why’s that? “Because sharing her predicament might compromise on her image because image is everything.” (Misconception #3)

Now one thing you’ll notice is that those misconceptions sound like good advice. In fact, it’s very good advice BUT, used in the wrong way.

In conclusion, I do not have a problem with ladies “Running this world” as long as they know that there are limits. Because these same men that are disrespected & demeaned are the same men that women look up to when they need to hear these three simple words;

I love you…

& if a woman doesn’t hear these three words from the man of her dreams, she will be unhappy & deny it… possibly for the rest of her life. But ofcourse, I’m sure someone is already saying;

“I don’t need a man to feel ABCD…”
Well my dear, it’s okay. But the signs & symbols in your life will speak for themselves whether you like it or not…

image

Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

Materialism & It’s Side-Effects.|

image

Everyone loves gifts. Especially flashy & expensive ones. The complete & original package with a sufficient warranty time-frame. But at times, this ‘liking’ is taken too far.

I once read a saying that goes, “The good parking spots(men) are occupied & the rest are handicapped.” Which prompted me to wonder, have men been objectified & reduced to airplane passenger seats? Such that we have first class, economy class et cetera?

Unfortunately, this classification has pitched tent in our minds such that the ones at the top don’t wan’t to extend a helping hand to those at the bottom. Selfishness & greed have gradually replaced concern & mentorship.

Radical materialism has become the norm & thus, for instance, we have a new generation of golddiggers disguised as descent ladies who are eagerly waiting for the complete package without taking into consideration what the guy went through to get to the top.
And with that in mind, I want to zoom-in on the major side-effects of the materialism paradox.

1)Conflict of Interest.

image

I’m in campus & of late, its the ‘single ladies’ that are leading in infidelity. I’ve encountered many buddies who get frustrated & miserable whenever their lovers are snatched away by older & more financially endowed men. Adding insult to injury is the resolve that these ladies have without apology to continue with their vices.

“It’s all about the paper”, so they say. And so if the guy can’t pay the bills, he’s dumped without a second thought. Meanwhile, these hurt guys go for other worse options. While few remain faithfully single, others result to finding solace in homosexuality, sugarmoms & even prostitution.

These are the ‘fathers of tomorrow’ that end up becoming like those I described in the article ~’Is Polygamy a case of vengeance?’

2)Destabilization.

image

The radical shift from care for humanity to care for self is rapidly destabilizing the emerging generation. Selfish & materialism wrecks families & friendships both directly & indirectly. The basic family institution is fast becoming an undesirable end to a selfish generation that’s obssessed with the ‘complete package’.

Morals & character have become ‘old school’ as sex, money & power become entrenched in trends & fashion. These three virtues of selfishness are indirectly communicated by what we wear, our words, our deeds & how we perceive different kinds of people.

Those who’s minds & hearts are soaked with selfishness will hide in the multitude of decency. Case in point is the fact that very few ladies will even want to be friends with ‘losers'(& I don’t need to define that) while a resounding majority are comfortable with being frenemies with the guy till he becomes financially stable.

In fact, the ladies that I can have a meaningful conversation with are very very few. Because many ladies today have been blinded by outward success. The kind that perceive financial endowment as a direct reflection of a strong character. The kind that manipulate their way to fame & fortune. And at times I wonder, are these really the mothers of tomorrow? Because I can guarantee you that if that’s the case, this generation is in for much more distabilization.

3)Betrayal.

image

It’s inevitable to single out this factor. You can’t help but wonder what to expect from slaves of sex, money & power. But ultimately, betrayal is their virtue. This applies to both sexes. Friends betray good friends while replacing them with far much worse friends. It’s unfortunate that even your own best friend can turn out to be manipulators that use you as a mascot for their own personal gain.

image

All in all, behind these masks of materialism are hearts devoid of love; Hearts burdened with selfishness & loneliness. Hearts that suffer in silence. Hearts drunk with vanity. And if they don’t change, vanity will be their eventuality.

Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

Is Polygamy a case of Vengeance?|

image

Apparently, many men are frustrated. Young guys especially. They wanna get married but they have numerous thorns in their flesh. Like financial instability, financial instability &… yes. FINANCIAL INSTABILITY. So forget these other excuses that ladies give about a guy not being tall, dark & handsome. I mean… how does that factor in itself pay the bills right?

image

And even if the guy is suitable enough but isn’t financially endowed, the lady will just want to be ‘friends’ with the guy till further notice.

1)So, is the ability to provide a key factor here?
In fact, the biggest blow to a guy is his inability to provide. Not his ugliness, so to speak… or his poor personality. It’s all about provision.

Yet these aren’t the medieval times when there was no money involved. Which means that if you don’t have the money, you can’t provide… until…

image

You get that well paying job. And you remember all the rejection you suffered because of your financial inadequacy. That’s when it hit me!

2)Isn’t that what the rich polygamous guys went through?
Rejection after rejection after rejection until… the six figure salary came by. And with the big paycheck came numerous ‘camouflaged’ wedding proposals.

image

Then the guy was like…
Hmmh… it’s about the money after all!
So he decides, (virtues aside) since I worked for the money, now it’s time that the money worked for me. (Considering that this guy toiled long & hard to get to where he is right now.)

And so he concludes that…

3)Tit for Tat is a fair game!
Hmmh… so if the ladies want financial stability, then I will give them abudantly for something in return. They will be my concubines or ‘Mpango wa Kando’ in Swahili. So besides provision for his wife, he will go for that naive young 20 something year old lady that’s hungry for money.

image

Yes, the same ladies that are willing to have sex with a lecturer for that first class honours degree.

image

And so here’s my point. When money substitutes virtue in relationships, then money RULES relationships. It then becomes the foundation & virtue is thrown out…
image

Where money rules, people don’t care about virtue or consequences.

That’s why rich polygamous men that chase after the money, instead of virtues won’t hesitate to cheat as long as things go their way. Including using their bitter past as a ‘justifiable excuse’ for their immoral escapades.

image

   

Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

The Power of Composure.|

image

Life isn’t easy… & yes! I do know that you’ve been told that numerous times. Yet, everyone wants to make life easy. Everyone wants a heaven on earth BUT few achieve it. In a world full of myriads of disasters & chaos, one tends to wonder if a life of ease is achievable. Then we tend to look around & get affected by other’s moodswings. But one major character component that has to be mastered to achieve ‘perceived ease’ in life is composure. Because composure makes your endeavours flow naturally.
See, with composure, one gains three key foundations in life

1)Dependency Syndrome Degeneration.
Now your day got bad because your buddy, sibling or the love of your life made you angry, or sad, or depressed… or all the above.

image

Broken promises & outright lies are a daily norm in today’s society. They can’t be eliminated (for now). Friends & enemies will lie to you & make excuses. But you’ve got to realize at the end of the day that the results matter. You may have had good intentions of being lively throughout the day, but if you don’t learn to fight, you’ll definitely fail. So lean less on people, the media or close acquintances to make you happy. Instead, be what you want to be by being in charge. By being in control. By being composed.

2)Consistent Consistency.
So there’s this resolution you made in the course of the week to tidy your bed every morning.

image

But then, three weeks down the consistency line, you’re fired! Then the consistency of making your bed stops & before you know it, your bedroom gradually grows untidier. One day you wake up & you realize… wow! My room is so untidy.
Of course this is a basic example. But there are those activities, chores & duties we used to do until something happened. Then… we stopped. Then we started again… & stopped..& continued doing them with consistent inconsistency .

1)Character Identification 
Knowing yourself is the key to self-confidence.

image

Composure ensures that we have that unshaken character identity come what may. So that the next time you say that you’re a man of your own words, you make it happen despite the obstacles. Yes, I do know that sometimes we can be our own worst enemies especially in times of emotional swings. Like the money you promised to give someone suddenly becomes a figure too big to give ‘just like that’. Yet what we don’t realize is that when we betray our own words, we betray ourselves eventually since our character is weakened. All thanks to a massive deficit of composure in our lives.  

Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY! A toast to our ‘Trinity Dads’!

image

The essence of responsible fathers in our lives can’t be emphasized enough. These invicible heroes make a huge difference in our lives; from the years of crawling on all fours to this present day. They’ve ensured that we grow strong & healthy as we gain in wisdom & stature.
However, the misconception that’s yet to be addressed is the notion that our genetic fathers are all that matter in regards to fatherhood. Celebrating fatherhood should go beyond the confines of flesh & blood as I propose a toast to these three fundamental Trinity dads.

1)The guardian

image

These are many men who have adopted kids & raised them as one of their own. Also included in this bracket are our immediate relatives who come to our aid when we need a guardian in emergency circumstances; from our elder brothers, to our elder uncles & cousins. Forgetting the influence imposed upon us by these ‘inviscible dads’ is a hidden injustice.

2)The Spiritual father.

image

Religion comes to light here as we meditate upon those men of cloth that advise us on how to improve our spiritual walk & incline unto godliness.

These men have at one point or another prayed for us in the past & corrected us on our paths to greatness. Forgetting these servants of God would be detrimental to our spiritual walk with God.

3)The Career Mentor.

image

These are the career bigwigs that we consult when looking for that promotion or making an important career decision that’s likely to affect us in the longrun. They’re the invigilators of our CV’s & the displinarians & advicers in career related matters. Their wisdom & wealth of experience have made us progress faster than they did; a sacrifice worth of praise.

But hey! Who knows? Your biological/immediate dad may be all the above…
Happy father’s day global citizens!

Kiruai Dennis is the author of “Man Up Or the Women Will” which is currently available on Amazon. Terms & Conditions Apply…